Donald Trump resigns, releases Non-Platform for 2020 election

Donald Trump's attack on a reporter was remarkably similar to Debian Project Leader (DPL) Sam Hartman's recent attacks on volunteers:

Trump has announced he will not contest the 2020 election.

Inspired by Sam Hartman's Non-Platform email, President Trump released the following statement:

TL;DR: Overall, being US President has been incredibly rewarding (for my companies and family). I have enjoyed trampling on you all. I hope to be US president again some year, but 2020 is the wrong year for me and for the Republican party. So I will not nominate myself this year, but hope to do so some future year when we control both houses and we don't have to negotiate about anything with the Democrats. A monoculture is my natural environment and safe space.

Consensus And Summaries: Space Force and Tax Cuts

In my platform I wrote that I wanted to start the US Space Force and I did that. It just turns out that they weren't much use for fighting real world problems like the Coronavirus pandemic.

I promised you tax cuts. I made some progress on this. My companies are testing the tax cuts and we'll let you know when its a good idea for the rest of you.

Facilitated GRs

So the House had that vote on Impeachment and it didn't go my way but when it got to the Senate, the voting went to plan.

Delegates and Project Needs

One area where i was completely naive is in my understanding of how to manage delegations.

So I just turned on Fox News, picked out people who looked like experts and tried to appoint them to the Federal Reserve Board.

Technical Committee

Bluntly, the Supreme Court is an inadequate tool to deal with maintainers who are not cooperating with the larger community.

So I picked some of my ideological buddies to fix it.

Conflict Deescalation

I've been talking about trying to find better ways to resolve conflicts in the world since they put me on TV.

Being US President gives me the toys to meddle in conflict anywhere. So I had my summit with North Korea and Iran shot down my drone. As we say in The Apprentice, You're Fired!: I killed their General with a drone strike in Iraq. I moved the US Embassy in Israel to Jerusalem and put at risk the lives of uniformed Americans everywhere.

Campaign of Harassment

Throughout my entire term as President, America has been subjected to a campaign of harassment from an inflatable baby Trump.


For me the deciding factor was the lack of other interest from people interested in Conflict Deescalation.

Why couldn't reasonable Americans see the benefits of my policies on Israel?

So I failed to execute my promise to roll back Obamacare but that's OK because now we can use Obama as a scapegoat and blame him for the cost of treating Coronavirus.

Happy April Fool's Day! We're sad to report that we didn't make up anything in the above email forgery. The shocking news is that all of it is fact.